i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
