can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Sponge bath it is.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
