I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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