I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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