I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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