As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
time to smoke my breakfast
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
