Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
