Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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