i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize