I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
