"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
