I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
