Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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