I feel like abortions should bother me more
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
