I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
