Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
