you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
