You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
