clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
