you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
