Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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