She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
