I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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