Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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