We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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