I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
