vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
last night I used snow as a chaser
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
