you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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