508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
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