i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
