Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
