We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
