pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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