btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was confusing and full of hummus
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
