i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
