Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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