Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
