So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
