how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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