So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
