Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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