hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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