That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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