not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
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