So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
