So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
