I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
