I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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