I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize