i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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