i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
