guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
