Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
