Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize