Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
