I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
