she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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