Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
