Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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