i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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