bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
