I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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