I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize