the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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