i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
