Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
