I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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