The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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