I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
