What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
In other news, I just burned my penis
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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