Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
