I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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